New Year New Me - I Quit My Job!

1/1/16

I recently shared my New Years Resolution to make big changes in my life.  I want to spend more time with my family and friends, my home, and my hobbies.  I want to document my journey to keep me focused and so that I can look back and see how far I've come.  

I made my first  big decision on New Years Eve. 

 I quit my job.

When my ex-husband and I divorced, I reentered the work force.  I had a full schedule with college courses including online college classes and a full time job as a bartender and waitress.  It is what I had to do to keep my family clothed and fed.  I met my fiancee a few years ago and we both kept a full schedule.  We still had time for date night and family game nights.  My hobbies suffered a little, but I was still able to crochet blankets, hem my children's clothing, and keep my closets organized.  When we were surprised by a little bundle of joy, we went into overdrive.  We reorganized our house to make a nursery and homework areas for each of the older kids all while managing complications with the pregnancy.  Those complications led to a hospitalization the night my midterms for my online courses were due and I had to drop the classes.  Once our little bundle of joy arrived, life became even busier.  My two older children were attending a school that was no longer able to accommodate their special needs (even with 504 and IEP plans in place) any longer and my fiance and I were both working 40 or more hours a week.  I was breastfeeding on demand, pumping at work, and trying to gather enough sleep at night to not fall over at the almost daily parent-teacher meetings or phone calls.  Life became chaotic.  

Then something happened that neither my fiancee or I saw coming.  The restaurant where we both worked and were very successful at decided overnight to close it's doors forever.  We were both unemployed a mere 5 weeks before Christmas.  We were mostly caught up on bills after some unexpected medical bills, but our savings were depleted.  I found very part-time employment at my favorite local bar within a week.  The next week I found a second job at a swanky wine bar.  Then, my fiance found a job a week later.  We were still struggling.  The wine bar wasn't bringing in money and I found another job at an Irish Pub and the local bar offered me more hours.  I took both opportunities and during the holiday season I was working over 60 hours a week.  

I was exhausted. 

My health suffered and my mental health began to plummet.  My house became an unfinished game of Jumanji and my family and friends never heard from me.  I couldn't find my keys, work clothes, the baby's shoes, or anything else because of the chaotic condition of my house.  I would load the dishwasher after getting home from work at 3 a.m. while counting how many hours of sleep I could get before going to my other job at 8 a.m.  I felt like a robot.  My relationship with my fiance suffered.  It seemed as though I was living in a surreal dream.  I was lost.

But, I kept going.  I continued to work both jobs and bring home the money.  It payed off as my kiddos had a wonderful Christmas full of giving and receiving.  The bills were still behind, but we were making headway.  We were on an upward slope to remove debt from our lives.  However, the light in my kitchen has been out for a week, the baby ran out of diapers which meant a trip to the grocery store with 3 children at 7 o'clock at night, and McDonalds or Pizza Hut became a nightly dinner decision.  I am convinced that this all happened because I was never home.  On the rare occasion that I didn't work a double shift or both jobs and I was home, my fiancee was at work and all moms know how hard it can be to get everything done with toddlers running around.  I needed more time at the house.  I needed to work less.

It became very clear to me what I needed in life when my boss sat me down one day to talk.  He wanted to know why I was late to work that day.  He wanted to know why I seemed "negative" and the only answer I had (other than his REALLY poor management skills) was that I was tired.  I went home that day and made a decision.  If I was going to make a New Years resolution for 2016 to be happier and spend more time with my family, house, health, and hobbies, I needed to quit my job.

So I did.  I quit.  New Years Day was my first day off in 5 weeks.  It was great.  A day full of optimism, laughter with my children, love with my fiance, and even productivity around the house.  I still work at the local bar and I really enjoy the 2 short days and 1 long day that I am there.  

My first big step.  Now what?   

To be continued...

Tuesday Coffee Chat: THE RIGHT WAY

Rorey Bore has asked a question for Tuesday Coffee Chat that hits home with every parent.

Are you worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

So much anxiety punched into one question.  When you have kiddos, or other responsibilities, the worry of doing things rights AND doing the right things plague you all day long.  Or at least they plague me all day long.  

Should I give the baby a sippy cup yet?

How do I tell my daughter to go to her room and *that* and what if she asks why?

Should I move my rambunctious son into a different classroom?

And these questions were all just in ONE DAY.  

Everyone has the RIGHT answer.  You should do THIS but not THAT.  You should do it THIS WAY but not THAT WAY.  

I am kind of tired of hearing it actually.  Things change all the time.  

For instance, when Alexandria was born, her doctors and the American Pediatric Association told me she needed to sleep on her side.  Parents of the generation before me told me that their babies slept on their tummy, or their back, and that was the RIGHT way to do it.  

I think the worst of all it though, is the advice (well-intended or not) of the mom-shamers.  You know who they are.  The moms that troll through the internet (or play dates) and make other moms feel bad for their choices.  It can be about hot topic issues like vaccination - "you mean you want your child to be autistic?"  or it can be about everyday things - "your baby should sleep in her own crib or else she will never learn to sleep on her own and the crazy clowns will get her."  

It makes me want to scream!

ENOUGH ALREADY!

As a parent responsible for another life I am already worried about doing things right AND doing the right things.  I already wonder why she won't laugh and only screeches like a dinosaur.  I wonder if her ability to grasp objects is "ahead of schedule."  Is the detergent in her diapers building up? How much should that shot bruise? Is she getting enough milk?

And that is just the baby. 

They wanted to scan my children's palms at school to give them lunch and only gave me a day or two to research and consider my stance.  My son needs to be tested for ADHD and I need to deal with that.  Athena and her therapy for SPD and anxiety (wonder where she gets that from...) is going well, but what happens when it is over?  How will I continue to help her?

And every one of these questions has a very simple answer.  I am the mother and their father and I, with the help of our trusted healthcare professional, will research and decide what is best for my child.  The RIGHT THING done the RIGHT WAY.

And that should be enough.  I mean, isn't that what you mom-shamers have done?  You researched and made a decision.  You put into place what you thought was best and it worked. It was the RIGHT THING for you.  

So why can't I do the same?

Everyday I put thought into doing the RIGHT THINGS the RIGHT WAY for my family.  

And that alone is comforting to me and causes me to stop and remember that I am doing my job.  Who cares what those mom-shamers say?  Besides, if we stop listening to them maybe they will go away.

Check Out Her Beautiful Smile: That's What She Said

I am so happy to be apart of the first even That's What She Said link up.  Our lovely hosts - Dean from Mrs. AOK A work in Progress,  Courtney from What's Up with the Wilhelms, and Katy from Chaos and Kiddos choose a quote and every month on the 10th you can chime in with your thoughts and visit what others have to say about the quote.

This month's quote was too good to pass up.  It hits home on a topic that is near and dear to my heart and I tend to soapbox about a lot.

I am so tired of a world that holds outer beauty in such high regards.  We see it everyday.  We watch award shows where the big deal is the not the talent displayed, but what the actors are wearing.  And it isn't even just pointing out the positive things.  We pick on actresses for not having all their baby fat tucked away or for their baby bump they show off proudly (and should) not being in the type of dress that we deem perfect.

What is up with this?

Young girls are STARVING them selves so that their skin tight jeans will look like the models on the runway.  They are wearing shorts that are too short, shirts that show more skin than they cover, and more make-up than Bobo the Clown all in efforts to be "beautiful."

It is sickening.

And needs to stop.

The most beautiful women in the world have kind eyes and a warm smile.  They have the desire to take care of others.  They want to play with their children, bake a friend a cake, or help out however they can at a local charity.  The most beautiful women in the world have big hearts.

I have struggled with body image my entire life.  I always thought I was "fat" and pointed out my chunky thighs.  As I grew older, I started really carrying around extra baby weight and realized I should have enjoyed those "chunky thighs" then.  Now, I realize that it doesn't matter.  Sure, health needs to be a priority and healthy women are beautiful, but a little extra wobble on my thigh doesn't make me any less beautiful.

I am my most beautiful as I gingerly hang my daughter's diapers on the line.  Or when I play a board game on the floor with my children. You should see how beautiful I am when I hold the door open for people or help an elderly couple to their car.  I am down right smokin!  I can wear jeans and t-shirt with spot of baby drool on the shoulder to the library and look amazing as I read a book to my children.  Or when my messy apron covers those clothes as I cook dinner for family and friends.

And the best part is that I don't care if other woman look over and notice my jeans came from Kohl's and that my t-shirt is a few years old.  Who cares if my eyeliner is fading and my glasses are splotched with who-knows-what from the day.  I still feel wonderful.

All of those things make me happy and that makes me feel beautiful.

Yeah yeah.  It sounds selfish.  And maybe it is.  But being kind, working hard, and helping my children (even with Common Core math) makes me happy.  Speaking words of kindness and seeing the good in others makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.  Even as I sit here in yoga pants, a Broncos shirt, a messy ponytail, and have Perry in my arms playing with her turtle, I am beautiful.

I am not sure Audrey Hepburn ever left the house in jeans and knit shirt, but if she had, she would have still been beautiful.  Her simple words urge people to not focus on the outside of our bodies, but on the inside of our minds.  Short of extensive cosmetic surgery and "beauty" regimens, there isn't a lot you can do with the genetics you were given when conceived. So why worry about them so much?  Why put all that time and money into "fixing" your nose?  It took me years, but I learned to love my butt chin.  Two of my daughters inherited it as well and I make it known that their chins add to their character and beauty.  It's a chin.  It sits on your face.  That's it.

So if you are having a down day - we all do- spice it up a little.  Make yourself feel beautiful.  Paint your nails or do your hair up (if you feel like it) and go out and spread kindness into the world.  Help out someone with too many grocery bags or tell a friend how much you love their laugh.  When I am having a bad day, I find that handing out a few compliments makes my day better.  It puts me in a good mood and when I am in a good mood I SMILE.  A smile shows kindness and kindness is your most beautiful asset.

School Lockdowns - What Do Teachers Do?

I checked my phone at work tonight and saw that the kid's school called.  This could have either been an automated call -probably about the raffle fundraiser- or a call from the teacher about the behavior mishaps.  On my break I listened to the message and my heart just about fell out of my butt.

Today a man scaled over the fence at my kids school.

My kids were on lock down.  All doors locked.  Lights off.  Children under their desks.

Fortunately, the teachers and staff reacted very quickly and this man never got into the school and no one was hurt.  Two cities sent their police officers to apprehend him.  He was arrested and taken away from the school and the kids went about their day.  I do not know what the man was doing or why he jumped the fence.  Part of me doesn't even want to know.

I don't remember ever having any fear of intruders or weapons in school.  Then Columbine happened.  I graduated from there the year before and had friends and family in the school.  I knew the boys with guns and a good friend was told by the shooter to go home.  I was in shock.  I couldn't believe this happened.

Columbine is a huge reason that so many schools started putting lock downs and drills into place.  I never realized how thankful I was for those drills and plans until today.  As awful as it is that we need to have these kind of actions in place, I appreciate every minute that the school staff has spent planning and training for a moment like today.  Without their efforts, that man could have gotten into the school and harmed the children inside.

We ask our teachers to teach our children from books and about life.  We ask them to spend all day (and a lot of nights) caring for them.  They spend their (underpaid) time and money to do their jobs.

 And now we ask them to stand on the front lines and protect the lives of our offspring.   They usher our children to safety, turn off the lights, and even put their own lives on the line to keep them safe.  We ask so much from them.

Thank you teachers for all that you do.  I know that my cheesy Christmas gifts and the extra supplies that I send during the year will never be enough to repay you for what you do.  I am forever indebted to you and appreciate every second you spend on my children.