Friday, November 21, 2014
That's What She Said: When Life Shatters You
Our lovely hosts Mrs AOK, a Work in ProgressCourtney: What’s Up With the Wilhelms
Katy: Chaos & Kiddos have a great month in store for us.
That's What She Said is back! I am very late, but this month's quote really hit home for me.
Life is beautiful. Everything in life is beautiful. The birth of a newborn baby, a rainbow after the storm, or the dedication, work, and talent that goes into a ballet. Even things that are not happy are beautiful. The tears of a grieving widow, a wilting rose, or the death of a loved one. It is all beautiful and sometimes we need to let that beauty get the best of us. It helps us grow as a person and allows the circle of beauty to continue.
I have been shattered many times. I've suffered many broken hearts, shed the tears of grief, and had dreams destroyed. A long time ago I didn't see the beauty in any of that. I simply saw that life had given me an "unfair" hand. I couldn't look past the shattered pieces to see that my life was going to change for the better. My dreams of law school smashed into the windshield of the car that hit me but a few years later I would fall head over heals in love and bring forth two of the most beautiful souls into the world.
I had to let my accident (I was a pedestrian in a hit-and-run) shatter many different parts of my life school, home, work, etc., But looking back on all that pain I wallowed in for so long, I realized that in the process of picking up those pieces, I learned who I was and learned about my beauty. In one of the shards I saw that novel I was never able to finish. But when I put it next to the other shards, I saw that I had so many ideas and now life experience for a different novel, a better novel. A novel that I would be excited to write about now. In another shard I saw dreams of Law School, but when put back into place I saw that law wasn't my true passion and having a family and studying Environmental Sciences was.
But once I picked up those pieces, I wasn't finished. Life is about constantly growing and learning. New experiences, new lessons, and new ways to help and love. I can't learn all that from picking up the pieces of one event. I have been through many more beautiful shattering events since. Births of my children, divorce, falling in love, loosing jobs, helping others through unimaginably difficult times, and more. Each time I have been able to look at the pieces that life has given me and put them back together beautifully.
Recently, those pieces have been harder to pick up as life has shattered me via one of the worst ways possible.
I have written so many articles, blog posts, and journal entries about depression. I have been living with it for most of my life and dealt with postpartum spikes after the birth of each child. I haven't been able to pick up the shards yet this time. Depression doesn't allow me too. Instead, I stomp on those pieces looking for blame or simply a place to hide from them. I know in my heart that those pieces all hold something special and that I need to piece them together, but the darkness stops me.
Depression shatters fully. It creeps in and pushes and pushes until darkness falls. Depression is real and it affects so many people. It comes with a social stigma and is the loneliest place on earth...no matter how many friends and family support you.
Fortunately, I am able to locate that ONE shattered piece that has to be fixed first. Getting help. Although I have been through this song and dance before, it isn't any easier, I just know what I have to do so that I can lift the veil of darkness.
Sadly, so many women don't. They are told that they are just sad or in a bad mood. Maybe a haircut will fix that? And sure, that haircut might help them feel fantastic for a day, but "being in a good mood" cannot cure depression. Sometimes it takes a better diet and exercise, sometimes we need talk therapy, and sometimes we need to turn to medications. It is not "normal" and shouldn't be downplayed. Don't let people tell you that you have so much to be happy out. Of course you do, but that darkness is a wicked beast. Sometimes you need help.
I am going to take my own advice here...If you are suffering from any form of depression, pick up just that one piece that says to seek help and DO IT.
Some of the most beautiful things in life become apparent when you are coming out of that fog. You learn more about yourself, see people in a new light, and start to love yourself and others. You will see beauty in things that you may not have before. Instead of only seeing my friend cry over her departed husband, I see the beautiful relationship and love they had for each other in her tears. I see the out pour of help and support from loved ones. I see her. At her very core and so raw. And it is beautiful.
So let the beauty of life shatter you. Let the bad parts shatter you. You can even let depression catch you off guard and shatter you. And when it does, look at those pieces, see what beauty can become of them, and put them back together. Even if you need help to do so.